So I couldn't find the original, and it should be documented for posterity's sake

One of the problems with xanga is that you can't really find anything that you've posted in the past. Unless you know what date you wrote it. I don't so I can't find it... and this needs to go somewhere 'cause well it is a

NEAL STORY
from
REBECCA'S WEDDING

Hopefully years from now when I'm looking this it will be properly tagged and easily found.

Anyway.

The month was July of 2004. I don't know where I was when I heard it, but I had been given the monumental task of sewing a bridesmaid's dress. I was to be in the wedding of one Rebbecca, a girl I've known longer than I could say Rebecca, and so I spent the first years of my life calling her Baggit. Her older brother Neal called her Baggit for ten years. I couldn't talk, he was just mean.

Once Becca put a bat through Neal's door when she swung at him and he slammed the door in her face. It was a lovely relationship, or at least an interesting one.

It came to pass that Rebecca was to be married in August of 2004 and while the mom's were going about preparing the festivities Neal was safely tucked away in San Francisco, not to bother the occasion until his arrival. It also came to pass that while Neal was in California he was hit in the temple by a Frisbee... detaching his retina. His repair surgery was successful and he spent several weeks on the couch with a gas bubble holding his retina to his eye. I don't know how many people he called, but yet again he was forgetting the timezone difference.

The problem was this: when one has a detached retina it is generally considered unwise (as well as stupid) to experience much of a change in elevation while the glue is adhering. Apparently the glue isn't the super glue I use and it takes a bit longer for it to dry. Long enough that he wouldn't be able to change altitudes until after Bec's honeymoon. So Neal couldn't fly.

Driving was an option, but the lowest pass in the Rockies is 1,000 feet. Exactly what the doctor had told him, well a little over by about ten feet. Had this wedding taken place before such continental shifts Neal would have been able to be there, but as it was he was given a fantastic choice: his sister's wedding or sight. Neal chose sight. Can't blame him.

Time went on, there was a hope for a better prognosis - or that the doctor would say "just kidding!" or Neal would say "just kidding!" but alas, that didn't happen.

But Neal was a groomsman, more specifically my groomsman. I'm taller than him when I wear heels. I'm not tall. He is short. Heck, Becca's taller than him when he's wearing heels.

Somewhere in there someone came up with the idea of a cardboard cutout. Not one to just stand in the corner, but one to stand up at the front of the church while the vows were being read. The groomsmen brought him in on the side and most of the church laughed. Some old women were incensed that Neal was a) not dressed appropriately and b) not facing the right direction... and so the wedding continued. The pastor pronounced them man and wife and I got to escort Neal back down the aisle.



I might add that the very generous Neal paid for the honeymoon suite. Friends of Neal were responsible for getting the room while everyone else was at the Astros game.




The cutout later appeared in the shower.