It is the end of the year. Everyone is tired, including me. The illustrious tests are over and we are awaiting our results. Everyone is on field trips and field days all the time, I doubt I'll actually get to teach again in my career. Ok, that isn't true... but it sure seems like it.
Nevertheless we are going to maintain the firm "my life ain't your business" policy that I am so fond of.
1) One of my girls asked me in class (in the middle of something important, I'm sure) "Miss do you have a boyfriend?" "No" was my reply, "then where did you get that hickey?" It was a bite a mosquito or something but whatever, she wasn't going to believe me... just like I don't believe she is just gaining a little weight.
2) One of my guys asked me to prom twice.
3) Someone else asked me (we'll call him Jeff - I have no students with such Anglo names) if I was bringing anyone, "think so," I answered. "Is it your brother, Miss?" (Sam is a bit of a secondary character in most of my stories). "Don't think so." Later in the period Lilly asked me where to get a cheap prom dress. Having recently toured Houston looking for a groomsmaid dress (sans halter top) I actually had an answer, including "there's one on Harwin... Imports something that has a bunch of dresses, all sorts... including $45 wedding dresses." Jeff heard this, and being the spastic kid that he is concluded "Miss you're getting married?!!?!?!?!" "No Jeff, I'm not" "Misss we get to meet your man. Do I get to be in your wedding?" "Sure Jeff sure" "Weeeeehheeeee Miss, heeeehhhhaaahee." (Note: I've failed miserably at transcribing this).
So Wymans, apparently I'm gonna marry your son and apparently Jeff is in our wedding. He's a 6'7" black boy that smells like stale cheese. Jeff... not your son.
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6 comments:
Don't think I'm coming to prom? You had asked me and then backed out. For those of you keeping track (which hopefully isn't anyone except maybe Kate), I've now been stood up for prom (To be fair, she was my waitress, I asked her the night-of, and I think there was a tacit understanding she wasn't going to go. Also, it was a prom we were going to crash. But she did say yes, and I promised to buy her flowers from a street vendor if she came.) and asked then reneged on BY MY SISTER. So much for the best night of my life. I'll just sit quietly at home and listen to Boyz 2 Men "End of the Road" alone. But I won't slow dance, that would just be weird.
-Sam
Sam- I'll go to Kate's prom with you. We have to come up with appropriate outfits though. Or maybe we can just follow Kate around, narrating her movements. I bet her students would love us.
I'll get you both tickets.
That will be $150 please. Would you like chicken or beef or vegetarian options. Note: I get to go for free because I'm "responsible" enough to be a chaperon.
Narrating her movements. That has possibilities.
Wait, do I get to go for free? Or am I paying? Or are you paying? I don't like any of these options except for the first one.
Also, am I going to be endlessly hassled by tall, smelly students who want to know my intentions? This whole thing is sounding worse now.
I still own your dignity, Ben. Don't forget that.
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