The problem with packages

Almost a month ago I was asked to see if I could get a hold of a copy of The Fourth Wiseman a comic rendering of the wise man who missed the birth of Jesus because he was busy helping a man who had been robbed on the side of the road. He spends the next thirty some odd years looking for the child king become a man, hanging out with lepers all while his slave begs that they just go home and give up their quest... even more annoyed when the quest is paused to help the helpless. It all stars Martin Sheen, which in light of Two and a Half Men seems a bit strange. Isn't the Sheen supposed to be chasing after a blond or something?

But that isn't my story.

My story is of my own quest. I was asked to get a hold of this movie for Sunday school on this New Year's Eve. Other classes were canceled, anticipating that this indeed would be "low Sunday" and not many would be around. We'd combine classes so that we wouldn't just be scattered to the four winds lamenting our brothers and sisters who were so wise as to roll over in bed or settle in with the newspaper this morning.

I began my quest by confirming that NetFlix did have the movie. I put it in my queue to be requested at the top of my list the day after Christmas, in good time to have the movie without much stress. I'd continue my movie marathon and all would be well. It was well. Classes were canceled, the event was published. We even figured out how to use a popcorn machine. But all was not well.

Some days before Christmas I looked at my queue. Something had changed. Now instead of all the movies being available now (save for Its A Wonderful Life and Miracle on 34th Street, predictably enough had a "short wait) now one movie had "a very long wait." You guessed it that one movie was The Fourth Wiseman, a movie unknown to myself two weeks ago but apparently known by every other pastor who was interested in showing films. Alas, I could not depend on the oh so dependable NetFlix.

I've done the thing before, where I ran around the city and made phone calls looking for a movie. That was all well and good once, but it wouldn't serve us well in the end... or be likely to yield fruit. Have you seen it at Blockbuster? Besides, aren't all the Blockbusters slowly closing?

So I turned to the purchasing option, and decided to have the CE committee (me) bless the purchase. I looked on Amazon. Out of stock. Available in 2-3 weeks. Ok, lets look at Barnes and Noble. My luck they had it, and it could easily be delivered just after Christmas. I ordered enough other books to make the shipping free... and it was set no worries.

Christmas came, and Christmas went. I got an e-mail saying that the package indeed was shipped, I could expect it on Friday (or Saturday at the latest) via USPS. I could pick it up at the apartment office by 5PM, and while I wasn't thrilled with the prospect of cutting it that close it could have been closer. And it was.

December 27th rolled around and I got an e-mail from Barnes and Noble. "Due to an unexpected delay, we are unable to ship the merchandise listed below in the time frame indicated in our previous email. We anticipate that your merchandise will be shipped within the next 1-5 business days. (Please note: business days are Monday through Friday, excluding holidays observed by the Post Office.) As always, you will not be charged until this merchandise ships from our warehouse."

How nice of them not to charge me. Ha! That merchandise was not the other books that I ordered, they indeed would be here right on time. It was indeed none other than the holy grail of church Christmas movies. The Fourth Wiseman. Apparently BN.com didn't anticipate the film's popularity either. So I canceled my order and began to think of alternatives.

A Christmas Story? I had that one, somehow it wasn't quite Sunday School material.

Miracle on 34th Street? Its a Wonderful Life? All cliche and secular.

The Nativity Story, wait that isn't out on DVD yet and I didn't want to see it anyway.

Brother Sun, Sister Moon? No... that wouldn't do. There's nudity in that... I'm not uncomfortable with nudity, are you?!?!?!?!?!?!

The most likely substitute seemed to be Monty Python's Life of Brian. It is the story of someone who keeps missing Jesus after all. What would be the difference between a wiseman who missed Jesus and the boy born in the stable next to him. So what if the Catholic Church banned it? We didn't nail the 95 theses up at Wittenberg to be tied to the pope's dogma. We're Protestants after all. My gut though said we shouldn't go with it.

Now I've had a few long dark nights of the soul recently. Stewing over things that will not be published for posterity's sake... and in the midst of one of these long dark nights I came up with the solution. One day shipping. It was it was prodigal and indulgent; a sin my thrifty upbringing had not allowed to even cross my mind... you mean you don't have to get Super Saver shipping? And so late that night I did it. I ordered a single movie with one day shipping from Amazon (which incidentally now had my movie in stock). I did this after I signed up for a free trial of Amazon Prime (so my one day shipping would set me back $1.99). Hah, I'll be canceling that one soon.

Anywho all is right in the world. UPS would deliver my package on Friday. I tracked it online. It shipped out late Thursday night, arrived in Houston and was out for delivery Friday morning. I put a sign out so that the package would be safe in my hands. I would not trust Alan the apartment manager (who swears I do not have a package while my hand holds the little slip) to handle my cargo.

And 5PM came and 5PM went, strange... there was no package in my hands. No package on the doorstep. I tracked it again. It had been delivered. It had been delivered but not to me. I looked in Sam's room. Not there. My package was here, I didn't know where. I looked again. It had been signed for by "Perry" who the hell is Perry???? And so I began to think again... Maybe Life of Brian wouldn't be so bad. Maybe we could all just make paper airplanes. I couldn't very well just fake laryngitis and write on the board "read your textbook, take notes - there will be a quiz" when something has gone terribly wrong at work and I can't teach. I've never done that... but it is up my sleeve.

At 10AM the apartment office opened. They did indeed have my package (and a few others they've been swearing they didn't have). My DVD was indeed in the package and it did indeed work.

And so the film rolled at 9:30 this morning and I went to find extra chairs.

Ye of little faith.