The 13th Inning

Oy, you really do get your money's worth when you watch the Astros... two games for the price of one.

Ramadan

Somehow, perhaps because Ramadan moves around and I've gotten to be more effiecient at teaching (now I actually get to Watergate instead of just Pearl Harbor... this year I'll get to September 11th if it all works out) I seem to teach The Age of Reform during Ramadan.

This is perhaps one of my favorite things to do because I get to read this:

"All day long the blazing midsummer sun beat down upon that square mile of abominations: upon tens of thousands of cattle crowded into pens whose wooden floors stank and steamed contagion; upon bare, blistering, cinder-strewn railroad tracks and huge blocks of dingy meat factories, whose labyrinthine passages defied a breath of fresh air to penetrate them; and there are not merely rivers of hot blood and carloads of moist flesh, and rendering-vats and soup cauldrons, glue-factories and fertilizer tanks, that smelt like the craters of hell-there are also tons of garbage festering in the sun, and the greasy laundry of the workers hung out to dry and dining rooms littered with food black with flies, and toilet rooms that are open sewers."
-Upton Sinclair, The Jungle

To a room full of Muslim students.
Then I get to inform them that their cereal has x numbers of fly legs (or is likely to), and that their pasta has x grams of feces.

Consider it my act of understanding their faith, and helping this whole fasting thing.

Move-in Hairstylist

Every three months or so I get my haircut. I like Lisa. She has a few legs up over every other person that has ever cut my hair:

1) She speaks fluent English.
2) She listens to talk radio.
3) She reads books (in English).
4) I've known her for, well since 1993.
5) She doesn't ask me if my boyfriend is cute.

Now I like Lisa becuase she knows I don't like big hair. I'm an atypical Texas girl I guess, so she blow dries it and straightens it. Once every twelve weeks. I generally get compliments (though it makes me look less like Mary Louise Parker or Alicia Hammon (whoever that is) so I might keep it.

Problem: I'm not ambidextrious enough to brush my hair, much less blow dry it, and much less straighten it in any uniform way.

Solution: Sam can do it, as repayment for that loan I give him every month.

The Rocket

Tonight I'm going to watch Clemens pitch his last game ever. Or his last home game ever. Or his last regular season home game ever. Or his last home game of the season.

That's the problem with lasts, you never really know when they are happening.

So tonight I'm going to an Astros game. Roger will be pitching...

The Beer Institute

Sam and I went to the SPEC's today to buy beer for my library project. I'm building a beer database :-) As it turns out I spent more money on the beer for the project than on the textbook and all the software. Hmmmm... now that is what you call hidden fees. Do you think I can write that off on my taxes as part of tuition? I claimed happy hour on my taxes last year as an expense for work and they didn't say anything.

The difference between FOX and NPR

FOX: "Find out why UFOs are causing problems for the space shuttle!"

NPR: "Astronauts are invesatgating if a mystery object caused some damage to the heat shield, the first inspections showed no damage, but they will use a second test just to be safe."

September 19

Yar! Today be squalk like a pirate day. 'Tis a good day indeed; spent it with me class of real pirates, me precious felons and wenches. The crew pilfered ye ol' butcher paper to study the lives of 'em land lubbers. 'For this though we squander our hours in the council of the ship blubbering over the problems of the sea. The council then voted to be forcin' the master of the high seas to the plank. Say you shall there be but a score and seven hours in a day? Yar, there be not for this foolishness that be makin' us to the chokey and be askin' us to turn lead into gold? Be ye as crazy as a salted herring and be damned for the contempt. Davey Jones be decidin' your wretched fate. Gar!

Kentucky Fried Chicken v. KFC

Today Sam and I went to KFC after church. I ate a Dreamscicle. It was like my wedding day or something.

On our way home Sam informed me that Kentucky Fried Chicken had changed its name for one of two reasons, one of which was plausable:

1) The "chicken" there could not be called chicken so they changed their name to KFC.

2) One of Sander's credos for his company was that no one could walk into a Kentucky Fried Chicken and be turned away for lack of money. So the company changed its name so no one could ever walk into a Kentuck Fried Chicken again.

In case you were wondering Sanders sold Kentucky Fried Chicken in 1964. He died in 1980.

This launched a search of the Internet and UNT databases (for the true reason for the change, which appears to have occured in 1991) my only reliable source for researching anything about KFC from my couch.

FACT: LexisNexis seems to only go back to 1992 on the subject.

FACT: The Houston Chronicle didn't deem the name change noteworthy.

FACT: PETA (led by Pamela Anderson) began claiming in 2000 that KFC chicken was genetically modified "monster chicken." They asked the Kentucky governor to remove the statue of Colonel Sanders from the capitol building.

FACT: In the early 1990s Americans went on a "health kick" and started avoiding "fried foods."

RUMOR: The Commonwelath of Kentucky trademarked the word "Kentucky" and asked that all companies using the name pay the state fees if the word is used in a song or on a product.

RUMOR: KFC was thinking of expanding its menu outside of fried chicken, so they wanted the flexibility. This never happened.

FACT: In the early 1990s other companies shortened their name: International House of Pancakes became IHOP, Howard Johnson's became HoJos.

FACT: Americans now don't mind fried foods, it is the carbs we are worried about. So KFCs remodeled stores are going back to the old name.

FACT: KFC doesn't give you real honey. They give you honey sauce made with: HFCS, corn syrup, sugar, honey, and carmel color.

FACT: It is still tasty chicken.

The ALF-CIO

In case you were wondering who to vote for the AFL-CIO has mailed me a list. It begins with the following,

Dear Union Member,
This November 7, 2006, Union members and their families will have the opportunity to vote for candidates who are FRIENDS of labor and who support our issues...

Early voting begins October 23rd folks and the AFL is endorsing, DEMOCRATS!
Babs Radnofsky, Chris Bell (not Kinky), Al Green, Sheila, Nick Lampson (not the write in Republicans)... sure there are a few Republicans... wait no there aren't.

One Democrat though is notably left off. U.S. Representative, District 7 candidate - Jim Henley. Now Mr. Jim gets no support from the Democratic party, perhaps because he is running against John Culberson (R) who has been the Congressman from these parts since well... Phil Archer retired. Also a Republican. Lets put it this way, if a Democrat takes District Seven (lifetime educator or not) it is a sure sign that the Republican incumbant probably embezzled $1.3 billion from the protection of baby seals in Alaska. I'm pretty sure a dead Republican would win over a Democrat in these here parts.

That aside, the true mystery is - WHY DID THE UNION BOTHER TO SEND ME TWO ($.88+paper) NOTICES telling me that I should vote Democrat? Do they think I'm a dummy? As though I thought - hmmm... maybe this year the AFL-CIO is backing PERRY? Ha.

Let's just stick with the status quo and save a little in postage how about?

And, Dad, in case you are reading this: I'm not in a union of any sort - they just keep sending me this mail. They must have me confused with someone else...

R.I.P. Ann Richards

In honor of the original "Tough Texas Grandma"

“How to Be a Good Republican: 1. You have to believe that the nation's current 8-year prosperity was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but yesterday's gasoline prices are all Clinton's fault. 2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own. 3. You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.”

“I believe in recovery, and I believe that as a role model I have the responsibility to let young people know that you can make a mistake and come back from it.”

"I am delighted to be here with you this evening because after listening to George Bush all these
years, I figured you needed to know what a real Texas accent sounds like."

“Teaching was the hardest work I had ever done, and it remains the hardest work I have done to date.”

“Poor George [Bush], he can't help it. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth.”

Roomates

Fact: I haven't seen my brother in five days.
Fact: He lives with me.
Fact: I've been working crossword puzzles and making a beer database.
Fact: I need him to help me with crossword puzzles and beer data.
Fact: I miss my him.

Us and Them

On the eve of September 11th I'd like to take a minute to reflect, not on the firemen, the businessmen and those that died, though I'll certainly take a moment to remember them but on the freedoms that may very well be on life support.

I've said this before. I'm sorry for the redundancy. If any of my readers out there are interested in making a film... well we need a remake of 1984. Or something.

Freedoms guarenteed by the Bill of Rights:
Religion
Speech
Press
Assembly
Petition
To bear arms
To not be forced to quarter soldiers
No unreasonable search and seizure
No being held without being accused
No double jeopardy
Cannot be compelled to testify against oneself
No seizure of private property without just compensation
The right to a speedy, public, and fair trial
The right to approach the accuser
The right to an attorney
The right to a trial by jury
No cruel and unusual punishment

Seventeen basic rights, nine of which have in some way been tested as a result of the 9-11 attacks and the "war on terror" that followed. While some are screaming that these freedoms must be protected foremost others are calling for increased security, perfectly willing to surrender basic freedoms in the name of additional safety.

We harken back to the days of the Alien and Sedition Acts; the suspension of habeus corpus during the Civil War; the Espionage and Sedition Acts; the days of Japanese detention centers; the Red Scare; the McCarthy Era. And I am forced to ask, did we ever really have those freedoms - or do we have them when it is convienent.

I for one would prefer history not to repeat itself.

I've also heard a lot about "they" lately. "They" might be anyone really: Arabs, Muslims, Hispanics, Gen Xers, and New Orleans transplants. I've been told Hispanics don't work, Muslims hate us, Arabs want to kill us, Gen Xers can't read, and Katrina kids are all hoodlems. I'm not going to end stereotypes tonight but I'd like to acknowledge that there are many exceptions to the "rules" so many that I can't see that there are rules.

At any rate stop pretending we're perfect.

Purple Hairy Monkey Butt

Remember the game of telephone? We whispered a phrase into our friend's ear but as the message was passed it was increasingly distorted. Well, I think I've found it again in secondary education.

I have this activity that I like to do. Teach the kids sequencing and logic... they start out with a timeline of inventions and then are asked a series of questions, easy questions mind you:

Why are there no photographs of George Washington? (The camera was invented 15 years after Washington died).

Which was invented first the escalator or the elevator? (Otis invented the elevator first).

You learn interesting things, like we had traffic signals before we had light bulbs OR cars and that karl Benz (as in Mercedes-Benz) actually invented the first practical automobile, not the tycoon from Detroit.

But here is the thing, when you cheat the teacher knows it. Some answers were written in the wrong blanks true... so...

Q: What is a telegraph?
A: Alfred Nobel

Q: If you lived in a small town in Colorado in 1880 how would you get a bicycle?
A: The Wright Brothers

Two thirds of the class said people started moving to Houston in 1900 because of the prostitutes and factories.

But they also copied from a kid with bad handwriting so:

Q: How did they open tin cans during the Civil War.
A1: With knifes.
A2: With a knifes or shoot them.
A3: Short them or with knife.
A4: Short them.

Q: If you lived in 1900 what would you do for fun?
A1: baseball
A2: freeze tag
A3: pretzels

and finally:

Q: If you lived in 1850 how would you close your raincoat?
A1: buttons
A2: butter

Oh my gawd Becky...

Because my previous posts have led to e-mails, comments, and even phone calls regarding my grammar and my use of homophones I've not wanted to post recently. Or maybe it is the whole going back to work, getting sick, and then starting grad school simultaneously that has led to my laziness (and lack of real-life incidents to write about).

I do feel compelled to share one particular observation I made this weekend.

This weekend wasn't really a weekend. To observers on the outside (my coworkers) they probably could conclude that I cut class on Friday to enjoy a FOUR day weekend. That would have been nice, and admittedly I've done it before (see trips to San Francisco and New Orleans) but calling for a sub this weekend did not involve peninsular cities. This weekend involved 30 hours of lectures on information organization, or as it has been renamed so my salary can double "metadata." I know, I know you are jealous, you are thinking WOW cataloging and databases how interesting! In truth there is more to it than that (i.e. the problem solving) but that is not what this little blog is about.

This blog is about classmates. Now I've sat through some classes with some interesting classmates. From high school the one that most stands out in my mind was Ben, who slept in the aisle beside me in Calculus class. No harm no foul. There were annoying characters in high school, but it seems I dodged a bullet. In college it was Sharon, who seemed to pick her history classes based on the ones I had registered for. Sharon was a dull girl, she didn't change her homemade clothes often and had the annoying habit of wanting to be smart but also not really listening. Her hair was greasy. Which meant she asked a lot of questions that had already been answered five minutes before. Again, for the most part I dodged the bullet.

Grad school though is a different story. My classes now encompass a much larger demographic, to the degree that the Gen Xers and the Baby Boomers almost got in a fight when a Baby Boomer said "Gen Xers don't read, do we really want to develop all this technology to serve them when the solution should really just be to get them to read; aren't we just feeding their ignorance." There were two older ladies in the class that seemed to have an ~irrelevant~ comment about metadata in the corporate world, and had parallels to everything we were talking about on some database (that this audience of librarians already knows about).

On the back row the bad kids started races to see who would make the most extraneous comments, Jewel won.

Jewel though was not my problem, in fact my problem didn't hit me until Saturday. Becky (we'll use another pseudonym here) was most certainly the star student. Her hair was in a perfect I'm-a-serious-student-so-while-my-hair-is-perfectly-styled-it-looks-like-I-didn't-put-any-effort-into-it ponytail. She carried a 64 ounce bottle of water to class every day. She drank the coffee provided AFTER spending five minutes balancing out the flavor with cream, sugar, and hot water - sampling each sip and adjusting according to her refined palate. By today I realized that she was arriving an hour early for each class to set up the contents of the rollerboard suitcase in and around her desk.

Apparently Friday she was lost, but as time went on she began to catch on to the schemes being presented. As Dr. E carried on his lectures and his explaination of our project there becan to be a soft echo across the room "ohhhhhh..." and "yes, yes, yes..."

While transcribed it sounds like it might have been an orgasm, it wasn't. It was much more akin to her being in church, propped up with four color-coded highlighters for for her notes; two binders (for the lecture notes and the project discriptions). Her "ohhhhhs" and "yes" very well could have graduated into an "Amen, Dr. E., amen!" Keep in mind this is all about classification, cataloging, and information systems...

That would be why I don't work in private schools, I feel like there would be a much higher chance of me being fired for calling some poor girl "an annoying little tart."

As it stands now I'm not sure they would know it was an insult.

In truth there was a lot of cataloging going on in the class. The back row (where I was dutifully sitting) took not only a catalog of her outbursts bust also broke them down into "questions" "fake questions" "ohhhhs" and "yeses" 257 in total over the course of three days. We also worked on crossword puzzles and sudoku.

Now those are my kind of students.